In year 1, the seniors somehow seemed so sure, and so experienced. Before this, I had an excuse for being completely unsure of what I want, or what I'm studying for. I don't feel like I'm in year 3 yo. I don't feel I'm turning 21 this year, going on my PI from January for a whopping 6 months, and graduating in two years. Sometimes, I don't even know what I have learnt in my one and a half years of NTU education. It feels like getting past one tutorial, one assignment, one exam after another, and once it's over, the sheer relief just relegates all that information crammed into my short-term memory into the Trash icon of my mind.
Life has taken a significantly droller turn since I returned from Japan, hence this urge to blog again, because I just need another self-indulgent outlet for my trivial rants and whines about LIFE, and SKOOL. Words somehow always seem inadequate to describe every experience I have there - there's not much time to sit down and really write, when every day is spent just doing things, and taking as many photos as possible to make up for the lack of written reflection and memory logs.
Coming back after 5 months, the number one question I get is "Japan fun or not?" I think NO ONE, after a 9-month vacation from NTU and into the wonderful world of S/U-ed subjects and mad traveling, will say that exchange is not fun. "Fun" cannot even begin to describe the entire experience. Hence the post-exchange syndrome that everyone is facing now.
Boy do I miss Japan. I don't even know where to start writing about what I'm missing in Japan. Looking through every single picture, probably thousands of them, every single picture has something that I miss about Japan.
But since this is meant to rant about being back in ANN-TEE-YOO, what I am missing right now, is how, without the pressure of fretting over my GPA, I could finally learn at my own pace, and really honestly enjoy every moment of learning. It's not only an exchange student thing. Despite its hectic work pace and perfectionistic culture, your GPA in Japan is not even close to a top priority when job-hunting.
In Japan, I told myself to be like that when I come back. Like, really enjoy learning and all, and your GPA will just fall into place. I'm still trying. Honestly, the entire atmosphere just makes me naturally fall into that frazzled, stressed-up state all over again. And because it becomes such a CHORE to learn, I end up procrastinating even more.
And don't even get me started on student welfare. For once in my life over there, students were a priority.
Although honestly, the Singapore education system is quite awesome in the sense that you could probably survive in any education system around the world and get a whopping good GPA. Thing is, when you actually put students out there in the real world outside of academics and writing reports and doing research, it's quite a disaster. Me included. Which is why going for PI kind of scares me sometimes, because despite being in year 3, I honestly really feel like a huge noob, smoking my way through every essay and exam.
Sometimes I feel that the 5 months there made me learn so much more than one and half years of university education here. I guess, to really get an education, you just have to go out there, whether overseas or just in that elusive "real world". Because all NTU can give, is probably just a degree.
But looking at how increasingly difficult it is to even get into JC nowadays, as attested by my poor, O-level-taking sister, I am really happy to already have the chance to get a degree. Rants aside, sometimes I guess I just need to put things into perspective and force myself to learn in the kind of way I want to, instead of blindly following this mad rat race.
